Carrie's "Nudge" Challenge Week 7 = The Dreaded F Word (Forgiveness)

NUDGED: "Forgive 5 people"

BACKSTORY: 
The first word out of my mouth when I saw this week's nudge was "no". Forgiveness is very hard for me as I usually hold on to a grudge until it starts to rot my soul and I have to deal with it (ha!). I felt lots of resistance in completing this week's nudge, so I put out the call for prayers. They were felt and much appreciated!

This nudge has been a long-time goal to work on, but something I never get around to doing. It has been on my radar for some time though, as evidenced by numerous saved sermon notes, magazine articles, lists of situations/people to forgive, and book notes on forgiveness, as well as a prayer book bookmarked on the forgiveness section. Good information is everywhere yet I refuse to go through the process that I know will make me feel better. Why? It's hard. It's uncomfortable. I would rather ignore it than go through the hard work.

Why 5 people? It seemed like a do-able number to complete within a week, per the requirements of this challenge.

QUOTES (too many good ones to pick just one!):
"Unforgiveness is like drinking poison yourself and waiting for the other person to die." - Marianne Williamson

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13

"The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive." - John Green

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you." - C.S. Lewis

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK:
I did it!! I forgave 8 people/concepts this week through lots of prayer and tears. I used a combination of techniques from a Ransom Restore session and process from "The Forgiveness Formula".

I implemented a personal scale to judge the difficulty of forgiving each person, from 1 (easy) to 10 (feels impossible). I started with the lower numbers and worked my way up to higher difficulty people and situations.

• I started with a random stranger who upset me recently while driving when he made a bad decision (viewed as a 3 on my scale). 
• The middle ranges of the scale (5-6) involved people I interact with often that I feel disrespected by or have offended/hurt me for some reason. 
• I forgave the person who first caused me to feel shame when I was a child (a 7 on my scale). I had remembered the exact moment the offense occurred and never let it go - until now!
• The top numbers and hardest to forgive included forgiving myself for past mistakes (many 8 situations) and forgiving the difficult path of infertility which changed my life (9).   

A visual aid of my scale. Dots for each person/situation I forgave.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32

By replaying each situation in my mind and then seeing it again from the other person's perspective, I was able to work through my emotions and learn something from each one - what my sin was in the situation or see the lesson I missed. For example, with the traffic incident I referenced above, I was surprised that it revealed my impatience, and I missed a great opportunity to work on patience and grace. 

I was tempted to rush through the process this week, trying to find a shortcut that was faster and easier. Spoiler alert: there isn't a shortcut in forgiveness. Do the work. Then eat chocolate afterward as a reward! 

As the week went on, I began to shift my focus from how hard it is to forgive, to seeing the benefits of doing it and being more open to the process and willing to work. Having peace after each prayer session was worth it! 

LESSONS LEARNED:

1) Many of the sore spots in my heart have been healed this week and I am so grateful. I know forgiveness works, but the process is difficult. I am going to continue to work on it more often now - willingly. 

2) I learned so many valuable lessons through each forgiveness process. In summary, I learned that I need to work on patience, offer grace to people if they make mistakes, assume the best intentions in everyone, don't compare myself to others, and forgive myself for past mistakes as God as forgiven me. Each of these hard lessons has really stuck with me this week and helped me to think differently about how I treat others and myself. I want to be a better person as a result! (Sidenote: It may also be on my mind as a result of binge-watching all episodes of "The Good Place". If you haven't seen it yet, check it out!!)

3) I am surprised to see past nudges still coming up in my life in unexpected but good ways. I notice people's nail polish color now, I am more open to trying new foods, I am more flexible when my schedule changes, and I still open the wrong drawers looking for clothing. As a result of this nudges project, I am also getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and find myself becoming more brave all the time. 

NEXT UP: Next nudge drawn from the box and it is one that I am excited about: "Increase my online presence". You will be seeing much more of me online this week!