Nudge Challenge Week 17 = Sorry, Not Sorry

NUDGED: "Stop apologizing"

BACKSTORY: While a well-timed and genuine apology is very important, I find myself often apologizing for things without it being necessary. I came across an image similar to the one below on an online forum of women I really admire. Many of them share the same struggle as me with over-apologizing. I thought it was a good idea and wanted to try it sometime, and sometime became this week when I drew this nudge from the wooden box. I hope to change my vocabulary to respond with appreciation instead of apologizes (especially when an apology is not needed!).

QUOTE: "Words can inspire. And words can destroy. Choose yours well." - Robin Sharma

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK: 

A quick Google search on this new concept guided my new mindset for the week. From boredpanda.com: "Unless you're Canadian, you're not doing anyone any favors by saying 'sorry' all the time. In fact, being overly apologetic can lead a person to start feeling guilty about being themselves. The power of words and self-conditioning with them is a capable thing, and the more you say sorry, the more you are likely to feel guilty when there's no need for that. Of course, simple politeness goes a long way, but in this case, that's not what we're talking about."

My word for the week was awareness. I listened for the word "sorry" come out of my mouth or other peoples' mouths, and noted why it was said, was it really necessary, and what would have been a better response. Very eye-opening! A few examples:

• I missed a call from a client while I was at lunch and she left me a voicemail. When I called her back, I normally would have apologized for missing her call but instead I thanked her for leaving a voicemail. There was no need for me to say I was sorry for taking time for lunch (so I didn't!). 
• A last minute change to plans at work caused some stress for contractors working on the plans. I was the bearer of bad news of the last minute changes and knew they were upset. I did apologize in that situation, even when it wasn't my fault. 
• I received an email asking for an updated form that I hadn't sent yet. I emailed the form back to him later, and instead of apologizing for not sending it earlier, I said "Thanks for the reminder". 
• A spouse of a coworker called to say their child was sick and needed to be picked up from school. The spouse apologized to me for calling. She didn't have to - kids get sick and it's okay to call! She could have said "Thanks for passing along the message" instead of "sorry". 
• I talked about this nudge with my fantastic hairstylist. I admitted that I wanted to apologize to her when I came as I thought I was late, but she said she appreciated having a little extra time to decompress before I arrived. An apology would not have been necessary. Upon calculating my payment, her phone was being slow and she automatically apologized...then caught herself because of our conversation. We agreed no apology was needed for an extra few seconds to wait.

LESSONS LEARNED: This was a very eye-opening week for me to see what a difference a few words can make. Not apologizing all the time made me feel better about myself and helped my relationships. It shifted the focus from my "fault" to being grateful for the other person.

NEXT UP: "Use a household item in a new way". Recently, I started to get creative and re-purpose items around the house for other uses than originally intended, like using a relish tray to hold craft supplies, and using a decorative bowl to hold dog bones. This week, I will try to see items in a new way and give something new life with a new purpose.