Nudge Challenge Week 23 = Owning My Truth
NUDGED: "Write my own story"
BACKSTORY: I have loved to write all my life. I would tell my mom stories when I was three years old and insist that she write them down. My love of writing continued with taking advanced English classes in school, then earning a degree in Journalism in college. I wrote for my high school and college newspapers, and loved writing feature stories. Today, I still write life stories for hospice patients, something I really enjoy doing. But, it has been easy for me to hide behind the pen and paper and let MY story go untold. My challenge this week was to tell my story.
QUOTE: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK: I was excited for the challenge this week but also nervous. I wanted to get it right and didn't know where to start.
I decided to trust the timing of this nudge and pursue the obvious personal story. This nudge was drawn on "Pivot Day", the day each year that we remember the children we wanted but could not have, and the day we celebrate our childfree life. I then spent time each day this week writing and editing my personal experience of battling infertility and how I became a childless survivor (AKA how God restores broken things). I wrote it all out - the good and bad.
I resisted telling my story before because it was painful and shameful. Five years has now passed since we made the decision to stop treatments, and nine years has passed since we first started trying to have a child. I have gained a different perspective on it now, so it felt like the right time to record my story.
I looked back and remembered the dark times of trying to conceive and getting no results, of getting silence from God and no answered prayers, of feeling alone and broken. What surprised me this week was that in addition to these dark moments, I saw many positive blessings (light!) woven in between the grief. Before I had focused on not getting the result I wanted so I missed the bigger picture.
When I looked back, I saw grace and mercy that was all over my personal story. I remembered the nurse who cried with me at my appointment, the new friend that was going through it also and could offer me understanding, the friend who told me privately that she was expecting again and cried with me, the ways God redeemed my life and gave me children through nieces and Godchildren and friends' children, and the list goes on. So many blessings I had missed before and would have missed again if I hadn't looked back.
LESSONS LEARNED: I process my world through writing. It is understandable that I resist writing about difficult events in my life, but this week taught me that it is worthwhile when I do. Time changes my perspective and helps me see the situation in a new way. Writing helps me heal. While it was difficult for me to sit down and start writing my story this week, I always came away feeling better and with renewed gratitude. Even if I don't share my personal stories with others (yet!), it is still beneficial for me.
NEXT UP: The nudge for next week was randomly drawn from the wooden box: "watch my 'shoulds'". This nudge was a suggestion from a friend when she noticed how often I was complaining about things I "should" do but really didn't want to do. I want to examine my "shoulds" and "wants" and "musts" this week!
BACKSTORY: I have loved to write all my life. I would tell my mom stories when I was three years old and insist that she write them down. My love of writing continued with taking advanced English classes in school, then earning a degree in Journalism in college. I wrote for my high school and college newspapers, and loved writing feature stories. Today, I still write life stories for hospice patients, something I really enjoy doing. But, it has been easy for me to hide behind the pen and paper and let MY story go untold. My challenge this week was to tell my story.
QUOTE: "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." - Maya Angelou
HIGHLIGHTS OF THE WEEK: I was excited for the challenge this week but also nervous. I wanted to get it right and didn't know where to start.
I decided to trust the timing of this nudge and pursue the obvious personal story. This nudge was drawn on "Pivot Day", the day each year that we remember the children we wanted but could not have, and the day we celebrate our childfree life. I then spent time each day this week writing and editing my personal experience of battling infertility and how I became a childless survivor (AKA how God restores broken things). I wrote it all out - the good and bad.
I resisted telling my story before because it was painful and shameful. Five years has now passed since we made the decision to stop treatments, and nine years has passed since we first started trying to have a child. I have gained a different perspective on it now, so it felt like the right time to record my story.
I looked back and remembered the dark times of trying to conceive and getting no results, of getting silence from God and no answered prayers, of feeling alone and broken. What surprised me this week was that in addition to these dark moments, I saw many positive blessings (light!) woven in between the grief. Before I had focused on not getting the result I wanted so I missed the bigger picture.
When I looked back, I saw grace and mercy that was all over my personal story. I remembered the nurse who cried with me at my appointment, the new friend that was going through it also and could offer me understanding, the friend who told me privately that she was expecting again and cried with me, the ways God redeemed my life and gave me children through nieces and Godchildren and friends' children, and the list goes on. So many blessings I had missed before and would have missed again if I hadn't looked back.
LESSONS LEARNED: I process my world through writing. It is understandable that I resist writing about difficult events in my life, but this week taught me that it is worthwhile when I do. Time changes my perspective and helps me see the situation in a new way. Writing helps me heal. While it was difficult for me to sit down and start writing my story this week, I always came away feeling better and with renewed gratitude. Even if I don't share my personal stories with others (yet!), it is still beneficial for me.
NEXT UP: The nudge for next week was randomly drawn from the wooden box: "watch my 'shoulds'". This nudge was a suggestion from a friend when she noticed how often I was complaining about things I "should" do but really didn't want to do. I want to examine my "shoulds" and "wants" and "musts" this week!
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